This morning I was thinking again of my mother who died of Alzheimer’s almost four years ago. Everyone who lost a mother knows what that feels like. My mother was sick for about 19 years, the first quarter of her sickness not knowing what she had. When she started forgetting things in early 2000, we were told she suffered from depression, since she had lost her father, brother, and husband within a span of three years. After pumping her full of anti-depressant as usual medical/pharma protocol, eventually more tests were done and we were told she suffered from Parkinson, then Dementia, then Alzheimer’s. So, with time she forgot to talk, walk, and was bedridden for the last years of her sickness. We are four siblings, and I am the youngest. At the onset of her sickness, which was progressing quite quickly, she was telling the doctor that she had four children but one of them died. You see, I was not around her during this time since my husband and I were stationed in Puerto Rico with the U.S. Army, so she thought she had lost a child (me). All I could do was call her every day and sadly hear how quickly she was becoming more forgetful. Anyways, these thoughts this morning prompted me to write a poem about her and I walking through the forest, something I didn’t have a chance to do with her before she left us. Here it goes:
Lost Time
Hand in Hand we are walking
I am sharing my thoughts with you
But you are barely talking
So I stop talking too
–
Now the forest air is filled by birds
The silence between us growing
I am afraid to use more words
So silently we keep on going
–
Separately enjoying the forest view
Like strangers on this day
Should I mention that I miss you
And that I don’t want you to go away
–
You are not leaving by choice
I am a stranger to you half the time
It seems lost is now your voice
And lost has been your prime
–
written by Cristina Tarantino 4 June, 2023
