Loss is a profound part of the human experience, touching us all in different ways. It shapes our journey in life and inspires deep emotions and reflections.
I still remember when my sister told me that my mother thought I was dead.
I was living in Puerto Rico where my husband and I were stationed in 2002. We moved only a couple of months prior, and I was calling my mother regularly. I noticed she was becoming very forgetful on those phone calls but didn’t know why. I thought it was stress or sadness, induced by the loss of her father, brother, and husband (my father) in a span of three years. She started seeing a psychologist, and in one of those visits told him that her youngest daughter (me) had died. I was calling her almost daily, but in her world I was gone already. This was the beginning of her long sickness with Alzheimer’s, and my journey in losing my mother.
Fourteen years she battled the sickness, a long time, and within that time she lost her memory, and the ability to talk and walk. She was bedridden for many years at the end, and when she died, I felt a very overwhelming sadness but relief for her. This poem was inspired by this journey and loss.
Lost Time
Hand in Hand we are walking I am sharing my thoughts with you But you are barely talking So I stop talking too Now the forest air is filled by birds The silence between us growing I am afraid to use more words So silently we keep on going Separately enjoying the forest view Like strangers on this day Should I mention that I miss you And that I don't want you to go away You are not leaving by choice I am a stranger to you half the time It seems lost is now your voice And lost has been your prime
Through this poem I try to navigate the emotions of loss and relief. I try to find solace, while reminding myself that loss is an inevitable part of life, but the love and memories we hold onto can provide comfort and strength.
